Friday, July 31, 2015

"How was your night?" and Other Unnecessary Questions.

I have a problem with people who ask me "how was your night?"

First of all I didnt tell you I was sick or suffering from insomnia. Second of all you are not my boyfriend who I would like to care about every detail of my life. Third of all its really not any of your business. Fourth of all I'm sure this is a steretypical question.
Like you seriously wanna know the details of how my night went? Im not so sure

Its important to care about people. Its important to care about how they are faring but when you ask me a question like "have you eaten?" and I tell you "NO" and you reply with "OK", please may I know what really was the point of that question?
While I belive in constructive and productive questioning. I dont think you have to feign care. A simple "Hello goodmorning, how are you?" would do. I most likely would'nt say anything more than "Fine" anyway even if  fire was burning on my head.

Iv come across people that chat you at 8:00 am on a monday morning with convos like this.....

Person: HI
Me : Hello
Person: GM (I Hate this!!! what the heck is GM???)
Me: Good morning
Person:How are you?
Me: Im fine thanks. U?
Person: Im good
Me: Nice :D
Me: It was fine
Person OK. So are you at work?
Me: Yes (Its 8:00am on monday morning. Where else will I be?
Person: Ok
Person: Have you had breakfast?
Me: No
Person: Why?

Dear God!!!!!!!!!

Yes I know you are trying to be caring but Its a work day morning. I told you I'm at work. You should take the que that I'll most likely be busy by this time of the day and dont have time for small unproductive talk but you keep up with the unnecessary questions, dragging out the convo for an hour or more.
Mistur! Missus! haven't you got something of importance to attend to?
How serious would I look to my bosses chatting on the phone in the morning as early as 8am when there is serious work to be done?

I dont have time to play pretend. I'd rather we dont talk at all than to drag on a useless convo for over an hour, If you have a serious question to ask me then please by all means be my guest. If not kindly don't try chatting me up at all. Or better still call me up and ask me those silly questions and lets be done in the next five minutes. 

Dont get It wrong, I appreciate that people care enough to ask how well I snored and drooled during the night but lets keep it brief and ask about those things we really, sincerely care about.

But hey! what do I know? afterall I'm only unprofessionally speaking.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Let's talk about why I have to get married

So the most annoying thing happens. You get done with school, get a steady job, probably have your own house (rented or not). Long and short you are "settled". Or maybe almost settled depending on what your ambitions are in life but at this point you start to get that question.......

First of all, let me establish the fact that I'm well aware of societal demands, all of which I think is total crap!

Now let's move on. So you start to get that question from people. Old friends on facebook, your aunties, those nosy women who are supposedly friends with your mom, the gateman in church, your pastor, your customer that sells fish in the market, your older siblings friends. In short the voice in the wind as well (probably the ghosts following you from your village) they all start playing undercover agent in your life, asking that one annoying question.......

"What Next?"

Wait! Pause!

Me: Aunty don't be offended oh but what do you mean "what next?"

Aunty: Ah ahn, don't you know what I mean? *while giving u side eye and a little pinch on your arm*

Me: No aunty, I don't understand *with wide-eyed innocence*

Aunty: Okay I mean now that you are "settled" when are we coming to eat rice?

Me: Rice? ohhh! Is that what you mean, aunty my birthday is still far away oh, but I will tell u sha when its close.

Aunty: Haba (inset native name) you are not a small girl now. You should know I'm talking about marriage.

.....pause. Blank stare.....

Me, to myself: Fix it Jesus!

You see at this point in my life this question whether borne out of concern or out of amebo is one I don't want to be yearing (in my best Jenifa voice) if marriage is what you are asking about.

I dunno if to call it African culture or societal expectation but I just chose to see it as paranoia.
Hardly any of these people are honestly concerned about your career path, or about your plans and ambitions for your personal development or about how you choose to further your education. All they want is that as you are receiving your B.Sc you should also be presenting your M.Sc (Marriage SatifiCate). Why can't a young man / woman just live?

I'm not even going to go into how marriage is not everything. That is talk for another day but all I'm asking is "why do I have to get married?". Why has marriage become a yardstick for the measurement of completeness?
This is why young women leaving their thirties without any man in sight start to get apprehensive because once you are like 35 no man (his mother actually) will agree to marry you. Now girls are marrying at the age of 23,25.....for what? I mean at that age there should be more adventurous things one can do with his or her life.
Yes I said 25. Hit me! LOL!

 Very soon, recruiters will be like "29 and single, this one will be a social misfit oh, she can't get the job". All you have to do is walk around with that sparkly diamond set ring on your finger, you are automatically complete.

But on a serious note though, this mentality forces young girls to downplay their worth because according to aunty "if you shakara too much you will not see man that will marry you when you have passed 30 oh". That is why girls will spend their weekend walking from pillar to post trying to place themselves in "strategic" positions because "its not in my mother's house I will see husband oh". Lengths of skirt hems are going higher, and so is the price of bleaching cream because God forbid you as a young woman are not visible enough.

Let me not even turn to a motivational speaker on top this matter because that is one of my skills (Tongue in cheek). After all the pastor that is prophesying husband into your life every time he sees you even at shoprite is enough motivation. Ehn, sister this year will not pass you by oh. Your husband will locate you this year in Jesus name! (Prophecies continue). Prayer houses have recorded more footprints than the whole of your house. And have you noticed that these same people who prayed you into marriage will never ask you "what next?" once you have jumped the broom, because of course that is where life ends. That is where you are expected to die.

Please I'm not saying you shouldn't get married at 20. To each his and her own. My opinion is unprofessionally mine. And the almost sad truth is, despite all I have blabbed here, I too hope to be married by 30

Until my next unprofessional thought,
Let's discuss this over a jar of peanut butter.

Disclaimer! To all my married friends 19-25, this is not in anyway your sub. I'm happy you are married and I wish you the very best with all my heart.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Dear Black People

Dear black people, Lend me a minute.Lets talk about us.

Dear black people. What is it about being so black that makes it a "not black enough" thing to be successful? Oh I'm sorry that Barack Obama is "acting white" because he is silent when a black man on the street is the victim of a racist death. Maybe he should go back to Kenya and let a black enough man take over.

Dear black people. How is it the white man's fault that your sons think that doing jail time adds to your street cred? How is it the fault of the white man that your children drop out of school to be someone's baby mama or to become the dope-selling, belly-button-length-bling-wearing thug in the corner of the street?

Dear black people. When was the last time your country heard your voice as loud as when "one of your own" was a victim? what else do you stand up in solidarity for besides racism? where are your contributions to your society? how loud are your placards that stand up against "other matters"?

Dear black people. Maybe you are not let into clubs because your idea of "turn up" is ending the night in club fights, drive-bys' and emergency room visits.

Dear black people. Has it ever occured to you that maybe the whites' are afraid of what the country will become if left in the hands of blacks? if you finally are let to have a say? afterall what else do we know how to do well besides violence?

Dear black people. You are the ones that have'nt let the white man believe that you are finally capable of being trusted.

Dear black people. Why always so fast to scream "racist"?

Dear black people, please be informed that the actions of people like Martin Luther and Rosa Parks do not in any way speak for all people of the black race. It is not gonna automatically gaurantee you a place in the "white schools". No it doesnt mean you do not have a responsibility to be a responsible person.

Dear black people. Maybe if your kids learnt respect for authority things might just be a little different when they have an encounter with the police. Maybe if they were taught that they didn't have to break laws to be considered black enough, maybe if they were told that there isnt any such nonsense as being "black enough" then maybe they'd pull up their sagging pants, get a degree and keep their legs closed!

Dear black people. Maybe if you werent the ones disturbing the peace, starting bitch fights and throwing violent tantrums when you didnt get what you want it just might be easier for that white man who was your boss to keep you in the job.

Dear black people, why are you all so silent when a white man is killed by a black man? Why do you not protest the irresponsibility of your children?

Dear black people, NO! that white child trying to play with your black child's hair might not be racism but pure fascination. Let live!

Dear black people. Why would you accuse that white girl of racism because she doesnt have any black friends? Maybe her mama taught her that black people are nothing but trouble. Well, would you blame her mama?

Dear black people, racism will always be in existence. People will always hate you no matter what or who you are. Deal with it and move on!

Dear black people. Maybe each person needs to take up the responsibility of showing the world that they can trust you when next you approach people with you hands in your pockets.

Dear black people. The world has bigger things to deal with now without the interruption of your baby mama fights on social media and those pictures you take sitting buried beneath a pile of  dirty currency notes.

Dear black people. The world still has respect for blacks who have distinguished themselves from the average slave mentality and have become people of renown. The world has respect for the likes of Oprah, Martin Luther, Reggie Jackson, Muhammad Ali, Micheal Jordan, Micheal Jackson, Barack Obama, Beyonce.........the world - yes white people inclusive - would give a standing ovation for the likes of these people despite the fact that they are BLACK!.

Dear black people. Stop. Ask yourself what exactly are you fighting for? and if the battle is won who will you be? what will you be known for besides violence and the noise of protests?

Dear black people. White folks come together to have a protest without vadalism of public property and threatning of cops and yet they get results.

Dear black people. There are bigger fish to fry now. How bout we talk ISIS? How bout we talk gay rights? How bout we talk religion? How bout we talk terrorism? How bout we realise that the world has gotten tired of hearing you cry foul?

I refuse to believe that any white person has the power to stop any black person who chooses to be something or somebody remarkable in life. Yes #CrimingWhileWhite has exposed the fact that white people are partial to their own but who isnt? at least they are safer in their own hands.

No im not saying you should stop fighting for your legitimate human rights. I'm not saying either that all black people are violent and irresponsible. Im not trying to make a case for the obvious hate of the white man. But how do you demand equality when you do not even act equal towards your own? You are the ones who bitch the most on your own. You are the ones who organise the gang fights, kill your own, make inter-racial couples feel like they'v committed the unthinkable, disrespect your women. You cannot make demands of respect in places where you havent sown any.

A people who only unite to mourn prejudice from the white race can never win this battle if your in-house problems are not fixed yet. You cannot scream "flawed" in a system where you do not have perfection.

So I ask again.................Dear black people. If this battle of racism is finally won, what will you be know for?

But then, what do I know? I'm just an average black kid living in a predominantly black society in an almost obsolete part of the world, who has prolly never experenced inter-racial discrimination. What do I know?