So the most annoying thing happens. You get done with school, get a steady job, probably have your own house (rented or not). Long and short you are "settled". Or maybe almost settled depending on what your ambitions are in life but at this point you start to get that question.......
First of all, let me establish the fact that I'm well aware of societal demands, all of which I think is total crap!
Now let's move on. So you start to get that question from people. Old friends on facebook, your aunties, those nosy women who are supposedly friends with your mom, the gateman in church, your pastor, your customer that sells fish in the market, your older siblings friends. In short the voice in the wind as well (probably the ghosts following you from your village) they all start playing undercover agent in your life, asking that one annoying question.......
"What Next?"
Wait! Pause!
Me: Aunty don't be offended oh but what do you mean "what next?"
Aunty: Ah ahn, don't you know what I mean? *while giving u side eye and a little pinch on your arm*
Me: No aunty, I don't understand *with wide-eyed innocence*
Aunty: Okay I mean now that you are "settled" when are we coming to eat rice?
Me: Rice? ohhh! Is that what you mean, aunty my birthday is still far away oh, but I will tell u sha when its close.
Aunty: Haba (inset native name) you are not a small girl now. You should know I'm talking about marriage.
.....pause. Blank stare.....
Me, to myself: Fix it Jesus!
You see at this point in my life this question whether borne out of concern or out of amebo is one I don't want to be yearing (in my best Jenifa voice) if marriage is what you are asking about.
I dunno if to call it African culture or societal expectation but I just chose to see it as paranoia.
Hardly any of these people are honestly concerned about your career path, or about your plans and ambitions for your personal development or about how you choose to further your education. All they want is that as you are receiving your B.Sc you should also be presenting your M.Sc (Marriage SatifiCate). Why can't a young man / woman just live?
I'm not even going to go into how marriage is not everything. That is talk for another day but all I'm asking is "why do I have to get married?". Why has marriage become a yardstick for the measurement of completeness?
This is why young women leaving their thirties without any man in sight start to get apprehensive because once you are like 35 no man (his mother actually) will agree to marry you. Now girls are marrying at the age of 23,25.....for what? I mean at that age there should be more adventurous things one can do with his or her life.
Yes I said 25. Hit me! LOL!
Very soon, recruiters will be like "29 and single, this one will be a social misfit oh, she can't get the job". All you have to do is walk around with that sparkly diamond set ring on your finger, you are automatically complete.
But on a serious note though, this mentality forces young girls to downplay their worth because according to aunty "if you shakara too much you will not see man that will marry you when you have passed 30 oh". That is why girls will spend their weekend walking from pillar to post trying to place themselves in "strategic" positions because "its not in my mother's house I will see husband oh". Lengths of skirt hems are going higher, and so is the price of bleaching cream because God forbid you as a young woman are not visible enough.
Let me not even turn to a motivational speaker on top this matter because that is one of my skills (Tongue in cheek). After all the pastor that is prophesying husband into your life every time he sees you even at shoprite is enough motivation. Ehn, sister this year will not pass you by oh. Your husband will locate you this year in Jesus name! (Prophecies continue). Prayer houses have recorded more footprints than the whole of your house. And have you noticed that these same people who prayed you into marriage will never ask you "what next?" once you have jumped the broom, because of course that is where life ends. That is where you are expected to die.
Please I'm not saying you shouldn't get married at 20. To each his and her own. My opinion is unprofessionally mine. And the almost sad truth is, despite all I have blabbed here, I too hope to be married by 30
Until my next unprofessional thought,
Let's discuss this over a jar of peanut butter.
Disclaimer! To all my married friends 19-25, this is not in anyway your sub. I'm happy you are married and I wish you the very best with all my heart.
